An Ending, A Beginning

Things are looking up, me of just a year ago would be surprised at the new opportunities springing up everywhere. A new chapter has truly begun, I am just grateful it is turning out so well and completely unlike the start of the last one. The little measly efforts I put in, spread out over years, and pathetic though they were has paid off far more than I deserve. My greatest fear now is that I will blow it. I know myself too well, I know my limitations, I know my faults, and I know exactly how much easier it is to fail. New hope rests on me, new responsibilities, a chance to be somebody else, a chance to be closer to the person I want to be. It is certainly refreshing to be free of the burden, even if superficially, even if only on the surface, even if only in the eyes of others who can see no further than what I now choose to show them, of all those past short-comings of all those reminders of how much less I am than who I wish I had the strength to be. Still, below the surface, I am painfully aware of it still there. It pokes and prods and pushes to the surface of my consciousness as I take on each new challenge, fully aware of how far I am from being able to accomplish them and glide through each day with the easy carelessness that so many do. I fear the day that I will slip, that I will fail again, and everyone will see me for how little I am. But for now, it is a new beginning, and though it takes every conscious effort to try my best, I hope to do it.