Things are strange now. After a long time, finally a sort of calm has settled into my life, I don't feel that I'm at the cusp of one impending disaster after another. All there is to do now is wait, and work. Now the test is only a test of my own character, at least its one I feel I have a possibility of passing this time around. I'm trying my best to pick up the pieces, and account for the knots in my plan that I myself am bound to create. Overcompensating, and overdoing is the only way I see of making it out of this successfully, I need that room to fail a little, but just not catastrophically. I'm worried about complacency, of feeling too optimistic, and too comfortable. That sick pervading feeling that's lingered through so many recent moments is terrible to bear, but it also has the power to propel me forward. Without that extra push I'm easily tempted towards inaction and failure, and I know there is at least some small part of me that would love to see me crash and burn.
